Take Heart

In the past week, I have had quite a few experiences that have shown me new life perspectives. I’ve asked myself the hard questions and debated the answers for them.

On Wednesday, we made the day about visiting some of the children that have returned home to their homes from the Haven. We weren’t really sure what to expect because we never had the opportunity to go visit back in the villages the last time we were here.

Our first stop was to a sweet little girl, Nikko, who is living with her grandmother. She wasn’t there when we first arrived, but then she came down the path with her grandmother and Meag just scooped her up in a huge hug. She is such a doll. Her grandmother greeted us ever so sweetly, handed us stools to sit on, and offered us cibwantu (a drink made of fermented maize). She sat off to the side some and just enjoyed us visiting her granddaughter. It was such a beautiful picture of love. Nikko was doing so well and you could just tell her grandmother loved and adored her by the joy beaming from her face. It gave my unexpecting heart so much peace. When it was time to leave, Nikko’s grandmother gave Meag the biggest bucket of sweet potatoes I have ever seen as a thank you gift for taking care of Nikko. Meag said that every time she visits, she gives her gifts of thanks and gratitude for loving Nikko. They were so happy and Nikko knew that was home.

Next, we visited Prince and Princess. They were such little ones when we were here a couple of years ago. We were told to have low expectations because more than likely, they wouldn’t remember us. We met their aunt and uncle and followed them home. Once we got there, we immediately knew which ones they were and wow, we were blown away. They had grown immensely and were quite scared of us because we were unfamiliar. We went inside and visited with their family while they looked at us from a far, unsure of why we would be there. After some time and coaxing from family, they shook our hands and waved by to us.  Once again, my heart was so full that they were thriving and would be able to attend school and go on and to such great things for this world.

The third stop was Caleb. Caleb’s feet haven’t developed properly and are turned inwards. He has had them casted and several surgeries, which haven’t been beneficial. He can run and walk on them, but I can only imagine that it is painful. After many twists and turns, we found the turn-off to go to his home. We found him sitting near the fire, so we sat down on stools and joined. While Meag talked to the family, we just sat and listened and set our gaze on Caleb enjoying his sweet. During the time we sat there, my heart just dropped and became so discouraged at the fact that Caleb couldn’t get the proper help he needed because of the family’s financial situation. There are also many children because of the families dynamic. My heart just kept sinking further and further when I heard that school was a 45-minute walk. It’s not his fault that he was born with a developmental difficulty. It’s not his fault that his family has to do the best they can with what small amount they have. It’s not his fault that he lives in a culture where his future could basically be determined for him. It’s a sad and unfortunate situation that is showing me a reality of life.

Our last stop was to a sweet home where the parents are both blind. They have 5 children. And 4 of the 5 have stayed at the Haven until they were old enough to return home. The younger 2, Kurt and Jessie,that have come home were just a precious as I remembered and looked happy and healthy. Their mother was all smiles and happy that we stopped by for a short while on our way home. Once we got into the car, I asked a few questions about how they made their living and how they were able to be such a remarkable family. Y’all, the answer made my heart stop. They are farmers, but their church family is a huge help and an active part of their lives. They help provide what they need and are their support group. They can live their life in the best way possible because of the church that is there for the. That, my friends, is a family.

In my head I just kept thinking, wow, who does that? How many churches do I know that would rally together and support a whole family just so they could raise their children and not feel held back?

I just wanted to break down and cry because it was so beautiful. They can be and are a complete family. This is such a perfect example of God’s family at work and of what a church as a whole is called to do for its brothers and sisters.

In the Haven, there is a baby that had been in the village from the Haven for a good amount of time and one day, returned to the Haven because he was severely malnourished. Later, we found out that he had been going down hill for some time and the best option was to bring him back to the Haven to get well.  He doesn’t even resemble the same little guy that I remember. So many thoughts plagued my mind and they honestly still do. What happened? Didn’t his parents notice? How do they feel about this? Are they okay? They love him so much right and hate that they can’t be his providers right now, right? I have no answers to any of these questions.

I have no answers to any of the questions like: Where is God in this? Why do these babies have to go through the troubles they do? Why couldn’t God love me a little less and bless them some more? Will God reveal Himself in these situations? Will He make himself known to their families? Will the babies grow up and know the Lord? Will they all truly know how special they are?

The biggest questions that I asked was: “Why this situation? Why this life?”

Why were these babies born into this particular family? Why was I born into my own family?

I have no answers for any of this, only thoughts. I long so hard to know the answers and know the full story.

On the car ride home from our visits, we were so fascinated at the thought that these babies will never know how special they are to some random white girl in America. No one is going to tell them about us, we were just there for a fleeting moment in their lives. They will never know how God used them to teach us lessons or reveal himself to me in a time when I needed to see it.

This weekend on our trip away, we watched “A Fault in our Stars.” It was powerful, it was sad. One scene stuck out to me in this movie. As Hazel, her mom, and Gus are getting back to the states from their trip to Amsterdam, you see her dad standing at the end of the escalator with a sign that reads: “My beautiful family.” And wow, that sent me into tears. They were his people. They were the ones he wanted, the ones that molded him in this life.

I realized then that I have some one-of-a-kind, extraordinary people. My dad, mom, brother and sister are my people. Not only were they pre-chosen and all, but they are actually the best of the best. They have molded me to who I am today and have handed me the world.

My next realization was that not everyone has people, or maybe that everyone has people, but just not the best or their ideal people. Why? How? Will God present Himself into more people for those? It almost makes me antsy like, “come on God, don’t let me down!! Give them someone, take the pain, and give them perfection! Can you do that?

Then, the faith dwindles. I got the good end of the stick in life, some didn’t. And it’s all too evident. Not even here, but everywhere in this world. It’s discouraging and it was such a big detailed picture floating from home to home seeing both ends of the spectrum right before my eyes. All this is something I would have never realized on my own, or if I did it would’ve taken some time because you have to get to the heart of it. I had to be at this place where I was thinking, ugh, I give up. I don’t want to ask the questions, it is the way it is and it’s discouraging, this is too much for God to be blessing me with my people and blessing them to, so the guilt and lack of faith creeps in.

Then comes the voice in my head that reminds me to “Take heart, for I have overcome the world…” And the next little thought is “Come on Riv, have some heart.” (Thanks, dad) Seriously, why in the world would I not put a little of my heart into someone that has OVERCOME THE WORLD? I can, because He gave his whole heart for this world.

I’m working on taking heart and knowing that God can do immeasurably more and bring forth people that will be Christ to others. He has complete control of everyone, everywhere. We all need people. We all need family. We all need to have a little heart. We are all someone’s people.

I was in Haven 2 this week with the older babies, ages 2-5 and I loved it. It was so much fun and they all would just run up and beg for me to “pick me, I want to learn!” I couldn’t believe that they were begging to learn and read. They are so smart and love to read books about animals, play matching and counting games, and sing songs. So, for a week, I got to get a little taste of what my own mom does everyday. My respect has grown for her and I can see why she chose to be a teacher. The excitement is so rewarding. Everyone is doing well, happy, and showing off their unique personalities.

It’s truly a privilege to share my love with these babies.